i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
