I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I could make wine with my vomit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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