The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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