Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
