I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize