You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
