batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
