Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
