So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize