I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
