Your face is a jimmy john
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
