don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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