so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
