My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just cropdusted the office
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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