I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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