Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
