Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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