it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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