I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize