He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
