I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
