I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
