Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
