i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
