last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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