Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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