I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
