At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize