hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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