but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
