apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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