Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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