Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
