it hurts more in the daytime
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize