i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
