i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
