Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is the high leading the old right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
