If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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