how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
