if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
