So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no you cant smoke seaweed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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