I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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