I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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