i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
