Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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