I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
