got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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