I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
