my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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