I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is the high leading the old right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
