Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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