You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
