My cat gives me a boner
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize