Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
