i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
