I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
