I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
