You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
