Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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