ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
