I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
