...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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