please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
