There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
