i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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