Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i drank out of a bidet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
