Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize